Police have confirmed today that they are investigating an extortion racket allegedly being carried out by a US Mafia gang. It is believed that the gang have been targeting top US ‘affiliate’ marketers.
Affiliate marketing is widespread on the internet today; it is the creation of websites specifically designed to sell the products of another company. The ‘affiliates’ are the creators of these websites - the salesmen. And, like local shopkeepers on the high street, they have found themselves the target of Mafia extortion schemes. What makes these digital-age shopkeepers different though are the sums they are earning.
Attracting Attention
It is a common practice amongst top affiliate marketers to post images of their earnings online. And it is this, according to the Police statement, which first brought them to the attention of the mob. After a little investigation nerrd.net was able to uncover dozen of images of cheques for sums well in excess of $100,000.
Special Report
We managed to track down a member of the mob who was willing to talk to our team for a guarantee of anonymity. Here are his exact words:
It was the Russians. Tony knows some Russians and they know the internet, so they was telling us - it’s full of rich pr*cks showing off their money. So that’s how we found ShoeMoney. I showed it to Tony and he says: ‘Who’s this little p*ick think he is?
The ‘ShoeMoney’ referred to is Jeremy Shoemaker, one of the first affiliate marketers to post a cheque on the internet. We tried to contact him for comment, but were unable to trace him. It is believed he may have gone into hiding.
Follow the Money
It is believed the victimisation of affiliate marketers took a sharp upturn after the launch of the website http://s.eriously.com/. This website has turned out to be a goldmine for the mob, posting cheques along with details of the owners in most cases. We questioned our mafia informant:
Yeah, seriously[.com] was pure gold for us. Stupid little asshole Paulie Bourque. He gave us everything we needed without even realising. We was in seven heavens
Again, we were unable to contact Mr Bourque or any of his family for comment. A message left on his cell states that he needed to “go away for a while”
Victims of their own stupidity
We contacted affiliate marketing expert ‘NickyCakes‘ for comment. He, however, was quick to condemn:
It’s their own fault. You’d have to be pretty stupid to post a big cheque on a personal blog. It’s not as if you’re hard to trace. And these affiliate boys aren’t hard men. They’d crack at the first threat.
Indeed, it seems they most of the marketers targeted have either paid up or disappeared as they were unwilling to comment on the matter to our investigative team.
Continuing Police Investigation
The police investigation contines, but nerdd.net is scepitical that they will be able to build a case. Extortion rackets work by building fear in their victims, and judging by their lack of comment these marketers appear to be badly shaken. As our mafia informant put it:
They cra*ped themselves. All of them. No balls to a man
The police have asked us to put out the word that the following people should get in contact with them as soon as possible: Zac Johnson, John Chow and Markus Frind. They may well be in danger.
Oh my god. I’ll think twice before posting a cheque now.
Haha, i never said that but it sounds like something I might say;]
sounds like april fools to me!
well it’s 1st of april
Had this not been a joke, the mob would have been disappointed when they arrived at people’s homes and learned that half of the checks were photoshopped.
ha ha ha this page is a work of art